Common Parent Errors – Most parents regret these mistakes
Being a parent is a difficult task, being irresistible, surprising, challenging, demanding creativity, responsibility, and having beauty beyond being seemingly impossible, all at the same time. Especially because it’s a lot of it all at the same time, and sometimes we can lose things unintentionally and make mistakes.
And while most people allow themselves one false step or two in other areas of their lives, making mistakes while parents can be especially painful and difficult to recover. But remember, you have a special bond with your child, and this will allow you to bear everything together.
To give extra help to the ever-busy parent, we have compiled 10 common mistakes parents make and their corrections according to developmental psychologists. The experienced parents of the All By Email team tested these tips and found them really useful and effective.
” Stop teasing your sister!”, ” Do not turn on the TV!”, “You can not do this!” These are things parents tell their children all the time, and this can easily become a bad habit. In the end, your child will become unresponsive to negative remarks and will eventually stop reacting to even the most firm “NO” you say.
Correction: Instead of submitting to this bad habit, train yourself to reserve a negative observation for truly dangerous situations, says Dr. Linda Sonna, a developmental psychologist. Tell your child what you want them to do and replace their negative observations with guidance.
So instead of saying “no dinner cartoons!” Try saying “let’s talk about our day at dinner time” and ask your child to have a dialogue with you and other family members. If you notice that they are trying to do this, praise them by saying “I really like your story” or something similar.
We expect a lot from our children.
Is your child drawing on the wall, on the curtains and the neighbor’s dog with coloring pens without anyone being around to guide and correct? And when you ask who did it, they say they do not know who did it ?! Do not turn on the scream mode yet and do the following instead …
The Correction: First, choose a focus and focus on one thing at a time because children can not absorb multiple rules at once. I would focus on the most important rule that was violated. In the above example, the most important rule that has been violated is “not lying.”
Now repeat, repeat several times and explain why lying is bad and dangerous, and why it bothers you as a parent. Do not expect them to get it right away, because bad habits are hard to eliminate, not only for adults, but also for children.
Creating the child we dream of and not the child we have.
Secretly, we all hope that our son is a more beautiful, intelligent and talented version of us. We want to protect them from the mistakes our parents made in creating us.
But the truth is that every child is his own little personality. They all have their own interests, talents, and quirks, so forcing our dreams into them can be disastrous.
The Correction: Let your child discover their own talents and interests , even if and especially if they are not in line with yours. Only when we see our children as they really are can we impact their lives powerfully.
We model the behavior we do not want to see.
Parents are the role models for children, which means that your children will imitate all aspects of your life from your eating habits and ending with the relationship you have with your spouse and how you spend your free time.
Be alert and vigilant about this, and remember, being an example of respectful and appropriate behavior works significantly better than telling your child what to do.
The correction: If you made a mistake in front of your child, take responsibility and do not deny your mistake. That way, you will be the good example. Of course, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to behave perfectly all the time, so apologize when things go wrong.
This will teach your child that it is okay to get upset and make mistakes from time to time, and that it is also important to be responsible for our actions.
Be very protective.
Sometimes children do stupid things like a six year old kid watching TV upside down on the couch with their legs dangling in the air and their head where their legs should be …
As a parent, you can immediately imagine them suffering a terrible injury and feel the need to intervene. If all this sounds familiar, you may be a bit protective of your child.
The correction: Instead of shouting that the child feels “normally”, follow the patient observation strategy . Since you are a protective parent, we are convinced that there are no dangerous objects around the child and most likely if you do not respond, they will simply settle into a different position in a few minutes.
Let your child explore this world and the capabilities of your body as this is how they gain independence and learn to solve problems.
We assume that what works for one child works for another.
One of the main mistakes experienced parents make is to disregard the individual variation of children. This may be because of the misconception that all children are the same, or because you, as a parent, may feel that you know more about how your child is.
You may also think that your youngest child will be like the oldest. All these approaches are wrong and understanding this is the first step to progress.
The correction: Take an individual approach for each child . While one child may respond to logical verbal explanations, the other will need a consequence to discipline them, such as taking the toy from them. Remember that you should not feel bad about being firm with one child and having good contact with one another.
You are not being an inconsistent parent or having a “favorite” child, you are just responding to different learning styles and needs.
We are all talking and without action.
“Stop playing and do your homework … I’m serious this time … seriously!” This kind of talk will get nowhere. Not only will it teach your child that what you say is questionable, but it will never give you the desired result.
The correction: Forget trading and second chances, set limits and move on with them . A child is constantly exploring its limits and, if you send a confusing message, it will be frustrating for parents and the child, says Dr. Robert MacKenzie.
In the situation we have set out above, for example, we begin by respectfully instructing your child to do his homework, and if he hears, praises and thanks. If, however, when they refuse to do so, turn off the game or remove the toy immediately and tell them that they will not be able to play until they finish the job.
Praising for everything.
It is very good when you praise your child for his accomplishments and reinforce his good behavior, but are you sure you are reinforcing the behavior itself rather than the need for constant approval?
The correction: Make constructive compliments . Instead of saying, “What a cute drawing!” For example, say what you like, “I liked the way you colored well inside the lines, you’re really improving.” The same technique can be applied to any situation.
Believing that our children are perfect.
Professionals who work with children often point out that parents do not want to hear anything negative about their children. The result is a spoiled child who is not resilient to criticism and therefore very susceptible to stress and depression in adulthood.
The correction: The truth sometimes hurts, but listening with open heart and mind will benefit your child. If a teacher or other qualified professional working with children tells you that there is cause for concern, follow their advice and try to fix the problem together.
Thinking that worrying about your children will prevent them from harm.
It is completely natural and understandable that you are concerned about your child’s safety and well-being in certain situations, but constantly worrying about your child will not get you anywhere. Psychologist Barbara Greenberg believes that worrying about your child can lead to anxiety, avoidance, withdrawal and other emotional problems in your child.
The Correction: Are you worried about your child facing a particular situation? Well, tell them about the dangers of this and so will teach important life skills to your children.
In some minor cases, it is also a good idea to trust your child and let him make mistakes. He is a great creator of characters and resilience.